September
2011
Dear Family, Friends and
Colleagues,
In Indonesia it is the season of forgiveness. After the
month of fasting, Indonesians celebrate Idul Fitri by visiting their relatives
and neighbors to ask for forgiveness for both their visible and hidden faults (Mohon maaf lahir batin). Our neighborhood also holds a Syawalan in which there are readings and
prayers from the Koran, a sermon and then everyone shakes everyone’s hand to
symbolize that we all have a new start. Our neighborhood mosque gave batik
clothes to both of us to wear for the Syawalan.
Unfortunately, this year we
could not attend. The news of Bernie’s mother’s death arrived when we were just
leaving to visit our Muslim family and neighbors, to bring them gifts and ask
for forgiveness. Instead we made hurried preparations and the next morning
departed to the USA. Bernie’s graduate program, the Indonesian Consortium for
Religious Studies, also held a Syawalan one day before we returned. We ask
forgiveness from all our friends who missed our presence.
Mother Ruth died at the age of
99. Her ashes were buried on September 9th and the memorial service was on
September 11th. Bernie’s brothers, sisters in law, three children
and their mother gathered from all over the world. The week was much harder and
much more wonderful than any of us expected. We retrieved many memories from
Grandma’s long life.
At the memorial
service Peter performed a wonderful dance with a crystal ball for grandma. While
lifting the glass up Peter prayed the prayer he learned from his father when he
was little: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Lord my soul to keep. If I
should die before I wake, I pray thee Lord my soul to take”. When Peter danced
it felt like he carried the soul of his grandma and lifted her in joy and love
to God. Death was broken by resurrection.
For the past 15 years, when
she could not care for herself, Grandma Ruth lived with Glenn and Rina
(Bernie’s daughter) and their children: David, Isabel and Robbie. They call
Bernie “Grandpanesia” (Grandpa in Indonesia). The children participated in all
the rituals of saying goodbye to Great Grandma who lived with them since their
birth.
We have been reflecting on
forgiveness during our short visit to Berkeley. Forgiving was a strength of
mother Ruth. Bernie’s mother never held a grudge. Even if she did not agree
with her sometimes rebellious children, she always forgave and loved them.
Perhaps Bernie’s commitment to living in Indonesia and building friendships
across cultural and religious barriers is inherited from his parents’ gift for
honoring people who were different from them, including their own children.
A few days before the end of
Ramadhan (the month of fasting), Farsijana invited women and children
associated with the Indonesian Women Coalition to break their fast with us at
our home. Some of the women helped with the cooking for about 80 people who
attended. The event included a sermon delivered by Farsijana’s Muslim
colleague, Ibu Siti Ruhaini Dzuhayatin.
Ibu
Siti explained that forgiveness is an integral part of celebrating the end of
the fast. She emphasized that both Islam
and Christianity teach about forgiveness.
The Koran says that anger can only be kept for up to three days. Similarly,
a verse in the Bible says, “Let not the sun go down on your wrath.” Before praying to God, we need to forgive
each other. Both religions teach that God is merciful and compassionate.
Ibu Siti and Farsijana wrote
an article together about women within religious traditions. The article explains
how Christianity and Islam understand revelation and how different
interpretations of sacred texts have influenced women. The article is part of
an anthology in response to the famous Muslim initiative for interreligious
dialogue that is titled “A Common Word”. The essence of a Common Word is that
both religions teach the importance of loving our neighbors.
We all need forgiveness in a
world of violence. Grandma’s memorial service was carried out at the same day
when Americans remembered the ten year anniversary of September 11th.
The impact of the tragedy gives pain for people all over in this earth. That
morning we worshiped at First Presbyterian Church in Berkeley where the sermon,
on the story of Cain and Abel, focused on God’s question: Where is your
brother? The tragedy of September 11th has shaped the way we
understand our brothers and sisters who are different from us. We are called to
create a home for all people around us to celebrate the life that God has given
for all of us.
Farsijana remembers when she
first encountered the hospitality of an American family with Bernie’s mother.
We were not yet married and Mother Ruth wanted to know Farsijana. Ruth invited
her over for tea on her best china. She pushed the set on her trolley into the
living room and asked her to sit on the couch. Then she went next door to
invite her neighbor Phoebe to join us. Farsijana saw that hospitality does not
just include family but also neighbors.
We give thanks to our
colleagues and friends in Indonesia and the USA who have supported us during
our mourning for mother Ruth. Thank you for your kindness and love. We had a
precious time with our family and friends in Berkeley. “For everything, there
is a season… a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to
harvest… a time to weep, and a time to laugh…, a time to mourn, and a time to
dance…” (Eccl. 3:1-4)
Now we return to the time for work
and life in Indonesia. We both have a heavy load of responsibilities this
semester. We are teaching graduate
courses to Muslim and Christian students from three universities. Farsijana continues her work with women,
including grass roots women in villages and politicians in high places. We are grateful for your prayers and support.
Warm regards from Indonesia,
Farsijana and Bernie
